that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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