my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
