Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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