Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
