Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
