I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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