i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
