even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
