No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
