is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
