your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
