Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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