Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
