My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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