Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
