My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
