Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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