Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
