1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
