So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
