this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he shaved USA in his pubs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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