I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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