what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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