i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
