I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
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We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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