White coat. Heels.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
