haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
