RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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