Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
