Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you made out with another girl for some wings
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
