So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
