Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
