do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
