he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
