i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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