the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This baby is an asshole
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
