Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
