I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
