I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
