SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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