Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
