sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
