I just cut my nipple shaving
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
