my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
