pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
