Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
