Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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