On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
