so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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