Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
