my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize