my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
