He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
