the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
