Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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