hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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