Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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