How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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