it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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