im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
