dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
