My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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