Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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