were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
