come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
