You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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