Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
