omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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