and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
