you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize