Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
