just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
