It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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