Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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