So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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