Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
