and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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