This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
