do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
