I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
