Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
